NO DOUBT CONCERT TONIGHT! I'm super excited. I seriously cannot wait for this concert to start. However, I'm even more excited to see Matisyahu on the 15th! Yep, that's right. I'm going to a Matisyahu concert. Nick surprised me with tickets for our one year anniversary. I know tickets don't seem that romantic but they really are because they were picked out especially for me (Nick isn't a Matis fan).

Nick and I are back together!

My birthday is going to be spent alone now because Nick broke up with me last night. I did everything in my power to try and convince him not to but he still did. I don't understand how he can stop loving me so easily when I love him still so much right now that I'm crying. I feel sick to my stomach and I haven't eaten anything since about 4:00 yesterday. Even that meal doesn't count because it was the only thing I ate the whole day yesterday because I didn't eat at work.

He's broken my heart before and I was able to get over it so that's what I'm telling myself so that I can function. I just don't think I will be able to this time because I loved him so much more than I ever loved him or anyone else. I just wish he would love me back.

Clarification

It turns out that I might have been a bit hasty when it came to judging a certain person in my last post. He surprised me last weekend when he mentioned that he was thinking of moving in with Joe. I instantly thought that he was forgetting about me until he asked Joe if he would mind a second roommate (meaning me). I felt so much better about him and the future. He also mentioned needing to get cash together so he could help me and I instantly felt taken care of. Of course my Nick would want to help me. He's always been there and he's the only guy I've ever dated who has wanted and tried to help me.

My birthday is on Sunday. Yep, it's the big two-four! I can't believe how old I am but I don't feel like such a failure in life because most o the people I know are in at least similar situations as mine. Of course that doesn't mean that I don't realize how much more I have to improve.

If it wasn't for Nick my birthday would be pretty lonely this year. It probably would be worse than last year's (spent watching CSI and making jello shots for Vanessa's party and getting wasted the next night, flirting with Sean and realizing how hopeless that situation was, and wanting Nick back). My parents are going camping over the weekend so they said that they'll just give me and Nick our presents when they get back. At least Nick's grandma is making a sort of big deal over my birthday by including my birthday in Nick's birthday celebration. Sunday will be fun though because Nick's taking me to Dayton so we can see the Presidential Airplane Hangar section of the museum which we missed last time. Oh, and Monday I'm going to the zoo with my mom, sister, and Dilly.

I've just realized that I'm basically on my own in life. I know that right now life isn't the way I want it to be but hopefully one day it will. I just always thought that a certain person would be there to help me if I needed him. Knowing that he would be able to help me made all of my problems seem to be not so tremendous because I thought that I'd never hit the bottom because I have him and he'd swoop in on the white horse and rescue me. I've just found out how very naive I've been because I'm probably going to need his help very soon and he didn't say what I needed and thought he would say when I told him just how bad the situation has gotten. He offered to help in a roundabout sort of way but not in one that would require any real effort on his part. I've been going over all the promises he's made me and realized that he hasn't come through on any of them. I realize that things change and situations change but I would just like to know that I can count on him when I need to. I guess the only person you really can count on is yourself.

Work actually didn't suck today. I didn't like it but I most definitely didn't hate it as much as I usually do. I suspect that it was less crappy because the person I hate the most was off today. That girl is so fucking annoying. About once every 10 minutes she'll say random words in this really annoying voice. It's like a weird mix of a squeak and the noise that's made when making a raspberry. Also, she has her nose pierced with a bull ring and just the look of her bothers me. She's like the Jailyn of work. My mom saw her earlier in the week and was instantly able to figure out that the girl is a moron. So many times I just want to punch her in the face. I can barely tolerate her but since I work with a bunch of freaks, they all like her. Her best work friend actually asked to take some sprinkles home with her so she could have a sprinkle party. I'm assuming that she's planning on taking acid or some other drug. Ha, like a female version of my cousin Shane. Wow, I need a new job. Also, I've decided to just be straight bitch from now on at work. I'm not going to let people who are beneath me talk to me rudely. I'm bitchy to everyone else so why not the idiots at work?

The No Doubt tickets have been purchased for the hefty sum of $185.45. I chose standard mail (the free option)because the price was so outrageous. My checking account is practically empty now. Being able to transfer funds from the virtual branch and having a debit card that also is a MasterCard has made online shopping way too tempting to resist.

It's end of an era. My love of New Balance shoes is no more. I bought a black pair for work that was supposed to be non-slip but they weren't. Lucky me, I had to find that out the hard way by falling today at work. I landed on my left elbow and hip and now it hurts for me to sit down. Actually, it just hurts when I initially sit, the pain recedes after sitting for a few minutes. I'm planning on pulling a Nick and writing New Balance an angry e-mail.

Work pretty much sucks now. I've applied to somewhere new and hopefully I get that job. I'm also planning on applying at a ton of day cares and hopefully one of them will hire me. Maybe Toledo day cares would like me as an employee because obviously none of the Sylvania ones did.

Nick and I are pretty solid right now. I guess Rob and Ashley's relationship has pretty much deteriorated. At least it had last week. I'm not sure how they are doing now but learning about their problems made me feel so much better about things with nick. Ashley and Rob were extremely affectionate every time we hung out together with them and that made me worry that Nick and I weren't connecting enough and that something was lacking in our relationship. It turns out though that the whole sucking face pda thing was just an act and that they aren't always so all over each other.

Last night I saw No Doubt on American Idol and they rocked. I knew that they were going on tour thanks to a great article in the latest issue of Spin but I didn't know if they would be able to reclaim their former greatness and glory. After the show, all doubts were pushed aside and I went right to their website to find out about tour details. They are coming to the Palace in Detroit in July and Monday I'm going to buy two tickets. I'm super psyched and can't wait.